Almost can’t believe it’s happening. Seems like a misty dream.

Aside from friends asking and one little letter from the title company, it seems like nothing is happening about the farm and the sale. We’re refrained from driving out there and blowing time and instead, have been working hard, cleaning out plate of obligations and such so that we can spend as much time as possible out there after next week’s closing.

Our realtor warned us… this time after accepting the offer and closing can be a odd time… it’s all behind the scenes and there is really little needed from us. Just raise the last bit of money for closing costs and get ready. We’re almost there, just a few hundred dollars away. We’ll make it.

It’s been super hard, yet doable, this whole raising the money situation. A great deal is coming from my daughter’s father, the Bank of Dad come full circle. I think it is the way of children and parents. I remember being out on my own at first and my Dad and Mom had to bail my sorry butt outta trouble now and then. And they got to help too, with some fun things, still… I remember that they did so without being too critical or preachy, and I suppose that if I were to press the subject, I’d learn that they probably had a little help here and there when they were young adults too! So it feels right to help our daughters with this paid off farm that we have put in their names. I think they will have this property in their names for many years to come. I suppose it’s possible that they might change their minds, but I think the plan, at the moment, is to stay put and build another 100 year family homestead. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?

I think one of the things that I am looking forward to the most is early misty mornings. Anyone that knows me well enough, knows that I am not a morning person. I can do it, but to be honest, there’s nothing much compelling me to do so. But now there will be.

I remember some of the most content and wonderful moments of my life have been in the still quiet morning of outdoors in the country. I remember some of my oldest memories, being at my grandfather’s lake cabin, early, before breakfast, out on the dock, seeing that steaming mist come off the little Indiana lake. The way the green grass smelled, the quiet distant sounds of the lake community waking up. My family doing things, walking about, quiet, the little clink of dog’s licenses on their collars as they nosed around and tried to figure out what went on that previous evening in the wildlife community. I remember my Dad taking my brother and I out in the little rowboat, just quiet, the sunlight streaming down, and the only sound was the oars dipping in and out of the calm water.

I remember the summer that I spent working at a riding stable. It was a crazy thing, the owner knew my friend and I were horse crazy so he had us work all day long for a half hour ride in the evening. We were so gulliable, we did it, of course, a half hour ride was like $10 and a whole days work at minimum wage should have been more like $24 but we didn’t care. We were there at the crack of 7… haha… sometimes 8, and we would work like little slaves all day. But I just loved the morning when we’d get there… barely awake, cold Pepsi’s in our hands, the horses in the yard, the sound with every slow and careful crunch of hay they made in the silence. The smells of dirt and hay and leather and horse, it was overwhelming. It was heaven to walk through the yard to the old barn with the morning light streaming down from cracks in the rough wooden boards, and that symphony of horse sounds, moving, eating, creaking as they rubbed on a corner in their stall, that thump of a bored horse with an empty water bucket. I knew this was something I wanted in my life. But it didn’t happen that way. Summer was over and memories were filed away and college began…

I remember as a young mother, camping out at my friend’s farm. The farm itself was so much fun and my children were so excited they could hardly stand it. But we would usually go out to their little lake and camp a night or two. I remember just not being super comfortable sleeping on the ground or an air mattress, but mostly I remember always, waking up early, and crawling out the little tent to go and seek the little outhouse, at the edge of a hayfield, covered in mist. It was quiet and all you could hear with was the little bird song here and there, and the little sighs of children sleeping. If any other adult woke, you found a drink or a cup of coffee and a few basic quiet greetings, then went to sit on the picnic table and watch the little lake wake up. Steaming off in the distance, the only sound was birds or the occasional little rustling of animals. Even our dogs would respect the morning solace and slowly wake and stretch, wandering off to amuse themselves with a little walk in the field.

And now… soon…. I will be able to do that every day if I want. Every single day. I can’t wait. I can’t wait to share that with my girls. To be able to get a nice hot cup of tea and sit out in the screen porch and watch the sun warm up the yard. To walk out in the back pasture with my old lady dog wandering along side and just smell the grasses and the trees, and just be in the moment. Just add a hundred more mornings to my memories, what an amazing thing that will be.

The last week or two, I just haven’t been able to sleep. I’m up at 5 or 6, and just feel a little lost. I wander a bit, putz on this or that, and usually end up back in the bed for another hour or two. I think I’ve finally figured out what is going on. My body is reseting it’s internal clock. It’s putting me on country time. I’ve got a terrible case of BarnHeart and it’s in the advanced state… Thank goodness it will get some relief within a few weeks at the most. I just know it will not take us long before we just say, “the heck with it” and move in, ready or not. I laugh at myself of a few weeks ago… thinking, oh we can take a month or two to get everything ready before we actually move in.

I’m thinking 10 days. haha…

We’ve got a garden to get in the ground! I want to have everything ready by May 1st! They say May 15th is the last frost around here, but you can get some of your cold hardy stuff in the ground by the 1st. Seeds and such. And I can’t wait to use those beautiful cold frames that Tim built last year! We’ve got fruit trees to transplant and mulch to lay and rocks and stones to trot from Moby lot to Windhaven! So much to do… so much to plan. Oh, I hope this week goes by fast. The waiting for our memory mornings is so hard…