The winter blahs hit me today full force. I’ve been kidding myself, and pretending that I was just hopeful for spring and just trying to keep busy and warm, content to wait for the gentle little breezes of warm spring air to drift down and tickle me. But today, it just really slapped me in the face like a scorned woman.

I was out getting eggs, feeding the hens. We just had gotten done from a round of errands, feed store, bank, gas station, hardware and then visiting Dale, our hay guy. We had just feed the hoof stock hay after being out of it for a day. They acted like they had never eaten ever the way they were grabbing and snatching big mouthfuls of hay off our sleds as we dragged them back to their huts. (Mind you, they had been grazing all day on the stubby yard grass, which isn’t great, but still, something and they had gotten a bucket of grass hay pellets and sweet feed in the morning… so they were HARDLY starving, but still, they were very ready to tear into a nice fresh bale from Mr. Dale.)

But I digress.

I was standing there, watching the sheep chow in their hay, with my basket of eggs, hands and feet cold, and all I could think about was how dreadful the place looked. I mean, mud and straw and leaves all turned brown and yucky and fallen branches and little piles of pony poop and chicken feathers here and there from the molt. The house looks dirty and dingy, the pathways are all mud because we don’t seem to be able to do justice to winter here in Northern Ohio and let the ground actually freeze up. The yard is getting chewed up because it’s so soggy and rainy and yucky. It’s just cold enough with the wind that I can’t really stay outside too long before my feet get numb and my fingers ache. Even with good gear on. It’s just a blah yucky part of rural living.

The mud season.

It’s dark all day long, hardly see much sunshine. It’s been raining off and on again and is just dreary. Makes me want to write sad, sad lonesome bluegrass songs. Convinces me to stay and linger in bed extra long because the house is cold in the mornings before we start up the kerosene heaters and it’s dark and rainy. Ugh.

I just can’t imagine how it used to be in the old days, without DVDs and the internet to suck up all your blah time. No phones, no easy contact, days and days without seeing hardly anyone but your own family members. Trying to stay warm, trying to keep the mud and the dingy gray light from driving you insane! It must have been dreadful some long gray and cold days out in the prairies or anywhere rural.

I try hard to remember that everyone’s little farms seem to look pretty much the same. Some a little more tidy, others, well, even worse. I contemplate hiring some lawn care guy to come out and try and make the place look better! Silly me. Waste of money. I know it will look better as soon as the grass starts to grow and the sunshine returns and the trees start to bud and flower. I try and remember how the place looked when we moved in, back in April last year. It was dreadful!

Still… in my mind’s eye I think about the pretty little stereotype farms and grade ours against Martha’s places or like the Bob Evans farm… and we sure fail in comparison. I know it’s stupid… those are people with multi-million dollar estates and staff and all that. Windhaven would look magnificent if I was making a zillion dollars a year doing ah, whatever.

Too much thinking like that leads to a feeling of discontentment and that is just not like me. I know the well thing is kinda wearing me down some. I suppose the easy way would be to go and borrow the money from someone, but I just don’t want to. We’re getting close to having enough to fix it and I guess another week or two and we’ll be there. My feed guy just gave me a good lead on a local fellow that does heating and cooling, plumbing and wells and is well recommended. I’m going to give him a call and see if I can get an estimate from him. Got about $700 saved up so far, and I’ll feel happier with a grand ready. If it’s less, fantastic! More, well, we’ll just save another week or so. I want my girls to understand that sometimes you have to wait, work hard and budget to deal with unexpected trials in your life. No one is suffering or anything, it’s just a little annoying to keep forgetting the water is off and trying to flush or run the kitchen sink out of habit.

Oh well… I’m sorry to sound a little down in the dumps, but I am, just a little bit. Just would like to find something to distract myself when I’m out back and all. To keep those discontentful thoughts from my head and enjoy life as it is today, at this moment.

I got a kick out of Cody stealing hay from our bales as we tugged them out to the barns. He was as gleeful as a colt and he danced and pranced around us as we brought room service out to him. At one point he even dashed ahead and scattered the sheep in pure orneriness. He’s funny to watch when he’s done something clever, at least in his little pony brain. He stops and snorts and shakes his little hairy head and just looks positively pleased with himself. He dashed in to his barn and began gobbling up mouthfuls of hay, nudging us and being silly. And then he dashed back out to follow me to the sheep shack and make a point of eating some of their hay as well before frolicking off to do a victory lap around the yard like a big goof.

Now, why can’t I feel like that crazy pony in this blah time? Just happy to be alive and get a big lunch of my favorite hay and torment my yardmates with a little fun teasing?

Maybe I need lunch out at Olive Garden with some friends, and a little cheesecake and maybe a BIG margarita and then something like oh, a movie or maybe taking the girls to a hotel with a pool and we can swim all afternoon and order pizza and have a slumber party! Yeah… I think we need a little something, just something different, friends, food and exercise! Hmmmm…..

I’ll have to think about what we could do that would be fun like that. And sort of cheap, still… just something fun to plan and look forward to. I think some swimming and a long soak in a hot tub and a nice warm hotel room… that would be fun. And if we found a place right around here, we could still check on the livestock and then hurry back after we’re done! (haha… a farmer’s vacation!)

How do you all pass these winter blues? I know not everyone is in the same climate as we are, and there are different sorts of things going on, but still… it’s the after holidays time where there isn’t a whole lot going on, how do you pass that time? I’m just wondering…